Underneath it all

2

The Burden

I grab my glass of water sitting on the table and take a sip, I knew this was going to be a trip reliving the most dreadful day of my life.   I can remember it like it was yesterday.  I went to the doctor for my regular check up.  I was going for the normal things but I also wanted him to check out the unusual spots that were showing up on my body.  At first I thought it was eczema because that is strong among people of color but I started to think it was more than that because they started to get red.  My doctor ran some preliminary tests because he thought it might be skin cancer.  He did some blood work and within a day or two I was right back in the doctor’s office.

“Janelle…please, have a seat.  I called you in because we have the results from your blood tests.” He said with a look of sympathy behind his eyes.

“I have skin cancer don’t I?”

“Well, Janelle the blood work and tests came back as negative on that so I’m happy to say it’s not skin cancer but…” He paused, trying to maintain his professionalism.

“Doctor Richards don’t beat around the bush with me.  I’ve been coming to you way too long and we’ve known each other for a minute, spit it out.  If it’s not skin cancer, what is it?”

“Janelle, I’m sorry to say this but you’re HIV positive.”

It’s like those words are still echoing inside my brain.  I cried a good month and a half over that. I was depressed and angry all at the same time.   I got so downtrodden that I let my business partner handle things for that time and I retreated to my personal haven in VA. I tried to get in contact with the person that gave it to me but my messages were being dismissed at all ends.  I wanted to go see him but with all the anger in my heart because of this, I think I would’ve tried to kill him!

            Tracy and my Dad kept calling me during that time.  They knew there was something wrong but I couldn’t tell them.  I didn’t want anyone to know because I was still processing whether this was real or not.  Close to the end of 2002 I told Tracy first because I knew as a female and my best friend; she would go through the emotions with me.  It was encouraging, knowing Tracy was there for me; I love her and appreciate her even more now than I did before.

After we discussed how I was going to get through this, she told me I had to tell the person that gave it to me. I told her I tried but to no avail; he was ignoring my attempts to get in contact with him. I am sure it came from him because he was the only one I was sleeping with; unfortunately I guess I wasn’t the only one he was sleeping with.

“Ok, I know y’all are shocked. The man I was sleeping with was on the down low.  I thought he was faithful to me until I got a phone call one day from three women he was sleeping with along with his boyfriend.”

Total silence fills the room.

“Some of y’all are thinking hell, this is better than Maury!  Well ladies and gentlemen this is my story and it’s not taped, rehearsed, edited or scripted.  It’s being told to you live and in living color!”

I look out in the audience and in the second row, I see this young lady sobbing softly. I know her from somewhere but can’t figure out where.

All works are copywritten by rl davis and asante publication