all because of you (pt.2)

HelLo? Niqua said snapping malice out of his train of thought as 2how he was goin to eXplain this shyt 2his sister he just really hoped that she still felt tha same, in his mind her oppinion was the only 1that mattered No, malice tried 2aCt as if he didnt know what his sister was talking about. Put that on syrai, All malice could do was laugh and sigh he knew she had em . She knew that he would never put something on his niece and lie about it, Yes, im gay Niqua=Oh my god are you serious? What kinda boys do you like? Malice=i dont know? I began 2get choked up talkin about my sexually always brought out the worst in me while i was happy she knew, and didnt act as if it was a life threatning disease that was contageous, i really didnt want 2discuss it @all Niqua= have you tried 2commit suicide? Malice=hell naw i replied quickly using a tone i thought made it sound believeable knokwing damn well i had tried it twice once when i was really young, and once recently, and i thought about it all the time. But some things were better left unsaid i wanted everyone to think i was just fine, and that i was content with me, but i wasnt i had baggage, habbits, pain, i hated the skin i was in. I'lL talk 2you when i get home ok? Malice could here his brother coming in talking 2one of his many jump off's Ok, iLy I Love you2 malice wiped tha tears trace away and sat up straight doing his best to act as if everything was how it was before niqua called, all he could do was think: he just hoped that her love was unconditional, and that she wouldnt be ashamed. He knew that they had the bond of a mother and her fetus, but he'd always heard her speak against gay people, so it scared him a little to know he was one of the people she reffered to as faggs. (I want the title) The next morning i was woke up to eryn standin over me telling me 2get up she was the daughter of a really good friend of my grandmas she liked me alot. Eryn resembeled dejanaE from the proud family she had her dark complexion, her short hair and her ghetto ways. What time is it? 9 she replied Oh hell no Oh hell yes nigga, why are you still sleep? Ignoring her question he got up brushed his teeth hopped in the shower, while in the shower he came up with a plan to tease eryn turning off the water he hopped out wrapping a towel around his waist so low you could see his pubic hair, with the water still dripping from his caramel chest down to his dick he walked right past eryn and smiled.. She looked up in amazement. Malice Laughing in his mind and proceeded to his room to get dressed, he said fuck. He knew from then out she would be after him. Eryn licked her lips as soon as she saw chris come out the room mMm, she said to her seLf, chris was 6"1 caramel complexion with short curls, and a slim build like brown when he first came out. He was something new compared to all the hoodlums in compton she was use to, tho he had a play boi mouth, he spoke as if he had sense, the fact that he was handsome helped too. he never pushed up on her, but never completely shut her down he was kind of a mystery 2her and maybe thats why she liked him so much. Come on crayZ girl, Lets go in the back yard he left no time for her to answer he got up and eryn followed. Lay you on yo back let me rub this creme on you bayb slow motion bout 2put this thang on ya baby... malice rapped in with spectacular of prettyricky's verse on the song grind on me that was the shyt, all you heard in the streets of compton was that, the games documentary, or mike jones reciting his number for the world to hear, every chance he got Sitting down on a plastic bench in the back yard he knew as soon as he'd sat down he'd fucked up shyt, he said as he thought about the white and red enyce sweat suit he had on with the matching red and white low top iversons, gettin up and dusting his legg off he just shook his head tha dirt was not coming off, while malice was busy dusting his self off he never noticed eryn walkin up on him she grabbed @a bracelet he had on that had his name on it Looked in his eyes and said i want the title Malice took it off and gave it to her she walked around all day with that shyt on but right before she left he got it back, he knew she meant she wanted to be known as his girl, he also knew that wasnt gonna happen he made a mental note to be careful what he said or did around her from then out, he did not want 2misLead her, or hurt her feelings in anyway. Later on that night, malice looked @his self in the mirror once more he made sure every curl was in place, and that he put just enough jean paul gaultier cologne he threw on his blue and yellow short sleave roca wear button up with the matchin shorts that had roca wear on the back in big white writing, he stepped into his fresh out the box white a1's. He wanted 2make a statement 2night was his last night here and he was tryna go function he aimed mike where da party @? Mike was about 6 foot dark skin verry handsome with fitts out this world he had stupid swagg, and wherever he went we was the life of the party if you were with him you was gone have fun, and a few laughs Awww, shyt lOok @you yung whippa snappa you just might get sum pussy 2night mike said. Laughin so loud and hard he coudl barely breath malice said you aint lookin 2bad yo'self my brutha. Malice=As we walked 2 tha car i could not hold my laughter see mike was one of those niggas in the hood who always got a different bucket everytime you see 'em on rims, wit beat in it havin the trunk soundin rattling, and this new car was no exception it was a old as blue car i never even seen before it was wrecked in the front and had different color blue paint all over its body. Mike looked @malice laughed out loud, and said thats fucked up man. Inside tha car mike sparked up a blunt, and asked if i wanted to hit it? Naw im good i said he hit it a few times put it in tha ashtray, turned up the musiq so loud it rang in my ears, and pulled off doin 3donuts scarin me shitless rollin up crenshaw we came 2a stop light, me being aware of my surroundings i saw a nigga walking up on the driver side window i dont know what his intentions were, but i did know mike was heated, and i alearted him he quickly stuck his hand under the seat squeezing tha glocc he rolled the window down with the gun out tha window and said: you dont wanna do it homie, noticing the light had turned green we sped off that had fucked my whole night off he was use 2it because this was his invirnment i lived in dried u ass applevalley where you didnt have to worry bout shyt like this. Mike= you see malice alot shyt could be avoided i coulda blew that niggas brains out, but im gettin older and im learnin 2avoid unnecessary bull shyt Im cool... you cool? yeah i replied aight then thats all that matters true i said shaking my head. Thinkin you cant do shit in piece. Soon as we pulled up 2tha party i looked around we were now in l.a's lower class area, all i could see was niggas and bitches hangin out drankin, talkin shyt, and smokin chronic. Walk walk walk now walk it out, was all i hurd as i walked into this little ass apartment with all of 1000 people crammed in it bumpin grindin all i could smell was: sweat pussy and ass, but i was there so i made the best of it i immediately spotted the bar area with drinks and food on it i continuously took hypnotiq and hennesy 2tha head and after that was gone i continued drinkin everything i saw i was so faded i almost passed the fuck out i was just so happy 2b away from all the drama back home, and the feeling from the alcohol gave me no time to focus on my problems, finishing my last drink i juimped up and ran outside 2get sum much neede air, when i came back in the remix to walk it out was on, now usually i wouldnt dare go go 2a house party let alone dance @1, but tha alcohol had taken over i cut a rugg walkin it out til the song went off, noticing sweat running down my forehead i walked down the hall 2tha bathroom laughing for no apparent reason @all i urinated 4what seemed like hours, i dont know what it is bout alcohol? But that shyt b havin me pissin like a race horse. Walking out the bathroom my foot steps felt so heavy like i had on sement shoes i found mike he was sittin @tha table playin cards smokin weed, and drankin... i noticed a older lady was talkin so much shyt i could hear her over the music she was actin as if she was on crack moving very fast fidgeting she swore she would win this game. 5 oh, 5 oh i heard this woman who resembled the singer alicia keys, she had a slim waist, a nice fat ass, and hipps out this world she was on point she had on a simple half shirt and pettle pusher apple bottom oufit wit the bigg round bamboo ear rings on... she ran out the door we all began 2file out the apartment like we stole sumthin wether it b stolen taggs, warrents, illegal parking, or whatever tha party was over. I was 3:23 a.m. We hopped in tha car and sped off. I could hear police sirens coming from where we had just left before i slowly drifted off. The next morning my grandma fixed me a huge breakfast eggs, bacon, toast, sausage, gritts, and orange juice my stomach was on E from the drinkin i'd done last night, after scarfin that shyt down like it wouldnt b there if i lifted my head up 4a second i kissed my grandma goodbye told her i loved her, and mike and i hit the freeway doin tha max in tha blue bucket. I heard sirens and saw lights we were gettin pulled over exiting on the nearest off ramp we pulled into a wendys parkin lot in the 89 east coast crip hood, rollin down the window the cop asked mike did he realiZe he was speeding? And why? Mike mike just said i was in a hurry officer and went into a whole story of how he had 2get me home, and the drive was 2hours, the cop listened and asked 4license and registration after checking everyhing he wrote out a ticket my brother signed got his copy and drove off just as fast as did on the free way, stating that he signed sum1 else's name and he wanst payin no more tickets, i hurd tha hell outta that i said and sunk into the cars seats. As we pulled into the drive way i stopped to think about how my dad lived no more than 3blocks away he knew i was in town, and still he only came to get his mail and leave, soon as the thought entered my mind i shut it off, fi shrugged and said fuck it 2me he was dead. Hopin out tha car i was happy 2b home i missed sleepin in my own bed, but @tha same time i knew i was back @tha problem, i got my baggs out the car and walked 2tha front door ringin the door bell a million times lyfe jennings must be nice was blastin from our big screen inside must be nice havin sum1 you can cum home 2from along day @work, i just shook my head and agreed even tho i was unemployed i still felt lonely and wanted sum1 2call my own. Unlockin the dead bolt mamom smiled and said heeeeey man!!! I smiled and said hey mom mike came in for a quick second he chopped it up wit mamom real quick and he was out. While unpackin my cloths i could see my rooom was nothing like 'd left it, and there was a womans cloths in my closet already pissed that my room was dirty i stormed down the hall 2mamom's room who's stuff is that in my room? nay's she said. Nay was my one of my girl cousins she was short, and dark with long hair and a beautiful face, but dont get it twisted she was somethin the fuck else she was the exact reason why people said: Looks are decieving she had just came was fresh out of prison, and had just came out she, as a result of that she got put out her mom was one of hollier than thou good ole church goin folks who committed every sin in tha book but had a problem with anything anybody else did that the bible declared a sin Oh, i replied Yeah, her and her girlfriend are gonna be here 4a while they gone sleep in yo RooM Where she @? I said You know her... she went hustling All i could do was laugh at how money hungry nay was and prepare myself for the couch. Around 9:30 that night nay her girlfriend nene and ciara came bustin threw the door. hiiii!!! Mal she said huggin me (mal was short 4malice), heeey nay i said huggin her like it was the last time we'd see eac other can you help me get the baggs? Yeah here i come i said. They had so much shyt just bags on top of bags of cloths from macy's and nordstrum, after she settled down we all ate piZza and talked the night away as her girl friend nene laid in her lap the whole time like a bayb, she reminded me of just that she i knew she was grown but her actions said otherwise and the ppart that tripped me out was that she was a studd but acted like a straight bitch, she had tha biggest head on tha smallest body, i was shocked @tha fact that they were sitting there showing affection like it was normal, i mean i am gay, but it was just crayZ 2me i guess tha fact that she had the courage 2do it, i couldnt help myself from staring i know it was wrong, and i wouldnt have wanted it done to me, but i couldnt grasp it. after we all chilled we all went into seperate parts of the house, while i was in mamom's closet that night i coud hear them arguing and fighting. The way the room was mamoms closet was the wall between her room and mine i heard nay ask her girlfriend nene about fuckin some bitch and writhing her Nay=bitch you still writing this broad amber? Huh? Answer me Next thing i hurd was nay hitting her, all nene said was dont touch me again nay musta knew what it was cus soon as she said that the room went silent and i grabbed the blanket closed the closet door and drifted off 2sleep that night i had dreams of how it would b when i decided 2come out... what mamom would say i feared she would put me out and talk about me like a dogg And just what mywhole family would think, it made no sense for me 2care about it, because people will ever b happy and why should i care about what they felt anyway? That was much easier said than done all while im dreamin im thinking and i knew that before i came out i would have 2be @a point in my life where i just didnt give a fuck because people were gonna talk, and i knew i would be disowned by few... shyt 2me this would just seperated the real from tha fake, but i was not ready... i didnt know what would happen after i came out, but i wasnt ready 2find out either. My self esteem was so low and it still is to this day. The next day I woke up i had a tect from my cell phones provider alerting me of a new dating site they had just launched it was free for about a month that became one of my many addictions that stayed with me for 3years. I began logging onto the sight everyday and night if i was ever offline it was because i was on the phone, or someone was in my face, this was the only way i could meet young black gay teens like myself i had no idea what i was getting myself into it was there that i found out what a top, a bottom, and a vers was, and how i learned that niggas aint shyt, but hoes and tricks. i saw thousands of profiles of boys that were friends 2my sister i never said a thing. I was in pure disbelief it was like a whole different world. It was there that i met tha guy that later on i would call the love of my life.... 2b continued